June 2012
3 posts
Day 137
I’ve never been this exhausted in a while, both physically and mentally. Moving from the US meant getting rid of almost everything, the process was long but not too difficult. It was a matter of deciding what was worth taking with me and what wasn’t. But here, moving into my first apartment in Turkey, the process feels more tiring. Besides all the fixings that need to be done to the...
Day 135
I miss this beast.
May 2012
31 posts
Day 133
I am this close to moving into my own place. I’m hoping to be in within 2 weeks and start the adjustment process all over again as I think living on my own in Turkey for the first time ever will be a whole process on its own.
Day 132
It only took several phone calls, checking the map a couple of times and a few hours internet search, but I found the type of kettle I’ve used in the US. Certain material items bring a type of comfort that is hard to describe and I’m glad at how persistent I was because I am now content and I refuse to settle.
Day 131
Put a bunch of smelly men in a room, wait till your number is called (30 people ahead of me), put on your headphones and listen to Drive’s soundtrack, try to ignore the possibly alcoholic man next to you (I can smell the alcohol protruding from his jacket) and you are at a government agency in Istanbul.
Day 130
Sunny Sunday.
Day 128
Can’t complain about a night when the whole family is together, my sister-in-law and I preparing the little one’s first birthday decorations, browsing through IKEA’s website for my new place –which I have memorized top to bottom at this point, and getting in bed early with a book in hand.
Day 127
Do you know what happens when they blow strong air into your ear? Your whole world starts spinning and you feel like you’re drunk off of your ass. It is the weirdest feeling in the world but this is how they found that I have an inner ear cold; something I didn’t even know existed. It completely messes up your balance and makes you feel useless –really not the best time to feel this...
Day 126
The continuous cough, itchy throat, stuffy nose and scratchy voice I had the past week has proceeded with a constant dizziness I had been feeling since yesterday. I got to a point today where I couldn’t focus and the thought of passing out at work was quite unattractive. I checked in to the nearest clinic where I got checked out by 3 different doctors, hooked up to serum and got an injection...
Day 125
I’ve never seen so many people dolled up for an opening. There is certainly a different kind of art scene here, I don’t think I’m feeling it but I know I have to be part of it.
Day 124
Today marks an important first; I am for the first time ever a renter in Istanbul. I have lived in many rentals in the US, but never in Istanbul as I had only lived her until I was 19 –basically never as an adult. Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment and am way excited. It really feels like I can start settling and slowly build a home for myself. This time I really want to take my time...
Day 123
I made the mistake of staying out a bit too late last night while I had a sore throat and stuffy nose. I’m paying for the result today as I am completely unable to speak. 4 months ago, you couldn’t have paid me to go out while sick but here I am more than ready to be out and about; there is really something about the energy of the city here that just sucks you in. I sometimes find...
Day 121
It’s quite the fantastic night when you get to hear Taryn Simon speak about her work in person in Istanbul. I would have thought this was more likely to happen in the US but I can’t complain about this inspiring surprise.
Day 120
Delicious quesedilla with goat cheese, black beans, zucchini, sun dried tomatoes and arugula. Nothing like home cooked meals.
Day 119
These two quotes keep me going these days.
Do something, do something to that, and then do something to that. - Jasper Johns
Very important that you keep working even if nothing interesting seems to be happening. - Richard Misrach
Day 118
I’m not particularly fond of weeks where I have a commitment for every single night of the week. Social life and events are important at this stage of the adjustment process, but some days I just want to hide at home and spend the night focused on my own work, read a book and cook. Introverting is just what I need sometimes.
Day 117
Where did today go?
Day 116
Still life from the streets of Çukurcuma.
Day 115
For the first time ever, I made a dessert for my mom for Mother’s Day [yes, a day early but I couldn’t think of anything better to do on this Saturday night]. Until now, I was sending flowers and cake and other symbolic and somewhat crappy Mother’s Day presents through online stores, but I am now home and get to do everything in person; it just feels right.
Day 114
I’m aware that my recent posts have been quickly written, short and just about what I had been doing –not how I had been feeling. I’ve been exhausted and feeling down and am trying to ignore that. It’s been nearly 4 months and I feel very removed from my life in San Francisco. Then again, it was my life in San Francisco, now my life is here. I really expected to be in touch with...
Day 112
4 months ago, if someone had told me that I’d be spending a day with Mel Bochner whose work I had just seen at the NGA right before my move here, and that I would witness the installation of his show in an Istanbul gallery, I would have laughed it off. Well, that happened today.
Day 111
I had discovered the music of Feist and Beirut a few months prior to my move here and didn’t get a chance to see them perform in SF. This summer, I get a chance to see both bands play in Istanbul. It feels like I’m picking up the pieces of my San Francisco life in Istanbul.
Day 110
Today a dear friend said I needed to change something in my life to get out of the rut I feel being dragged into. I think the change will start with a full vacation I plan to take in August. Until then, all I can do is to look forward to it.
Day 109
I would call today a pretty good Sunday considering all I did was cook 3 whole meals from scratch, go to yoga, buy groceries and watch a classic Ryan Gosling movie.
Day 108
Can’t complain about much when you get to watch the sun set while sipping mojitos with an old friend.
Day 107
My Fridays have been something like this; come home from work, find the parents, my brother, sister-in-law and the baby at home, hug him squeeze him kiss him, eat dinner while the little dude is passed around from one lap to another, finish the last bites of the salad off of the salad bowl to my brother’s disgust, continue entertaining the little dude until he’s tired, cranky and go to...
Day 106
I’ve been cranky lately and for no specific reason. I’m not unhappy but I’m also not booming with joy. I’m content and at peace but feel very blah. Something needs to happen to change this current state of being but I don’t know what it is.
Day 105
I must have fallen into a routine; I feel like I have nothing to share today.
Day 104
I managed to completely avoid the craziness of May 1st in Istanbul, where some neighborhoods got smashed windows and shops, and stayed in my little neighborhood. I may have been completely removed from the rest of the world, but it was just too beautiful of a spring day to waste elsewhere but the streets of Nişantaşı.
April 2012
30 posts
Day 103
Thank you Murakami for taking me to a world far far away on a night where I needed to escape reality.
Day 102
Apparently it is very amusing for my father to see me in the kitchen. Every time I chop something, crack an egg, stir a pot, he curiously comes in the kitchen, watches for 10 seconds then walks away –only to repeat his visit a few minutes later. I didn’t understand at first why it was so fascinating, but I now realize that this is a side of me my parents don’t know about. I buy...
Day 101
It had been a while but I finally made it back to the “studio” today, planting the seeds of a new project. I’ve been feeling impatient and anxious about not having produced work lately, but even a few hours of playing with new ideas put me back in the groove. Feeling much much better.
Day 100
I thought for hours what the hell I can write about being on the 100th day, but I really feel nothing. It’s just another reminder of the realness of this move; I hadn’t spent 100 consecutive days in Turkey since 2001.
Day 99
This is my last two digit day in Turkey. They say time flies when you’re having a good time. I think I am.
Day 98
I feel like a true Turk tonight. Sitting by the Bosphorus, playing backgammon and smoking hookah with the familiar sounds of a soccer game on the big screen as the background noise.
Day 97
The most relaxing way to end a long and exhausting day is stopping by a bookstore to browse through the shelves and coming home to cook some dinner –sauteed pumpkin and quinoa on the menu. Couldn’t be less California inspired.
Day 96
Back at parents’ house after a few days of cat sitting. I just emptied the fridge making this colorful salad: farmers market bought arugula, lettuce, carrots, beets, sun dried tomatoes, bell pepper, goat cheese and a couple of cured black olives.
Day 95
It was during my first week back in Istanbul that I discovered this little gem; KronotRop. I was walking up the hill from my gallery and saw this tiny hole in the wall of a place with its bright blue sign and the two words that made me stop in the middle of the street; freshly roasted. I had been searching right and left for coffee beans and was getting frustrated and discouraged. I was willing to...
Day 94
I get to watch this little dude grow up. Priceless.
Day 93
So this is what my life will actually be like once I get my place; going to my parents’ house for dinner on a Friday night then coming back home to meet some friends. Cat sitting turned out to be a little window to the future.
Day 92
I’m having a mini staycation –staying at a house in Galatasaray with a Siamese cat under the covers with me and glass of wine by my side. Cat sitting isn’t so bad after all.
Day 91
Gourmet dinner; glass of wine with burger and fries from a fast food joint. Only on a night when you work till 10:30.
Day 90
Nothing better than to end a day with a care package from San Francisco.
Included in the package are beans from Sightglass Coffee, chocolate from Mast Brothers in Brooklyn, the exhibition catalog of Do Not Destroy: Trees, Art, and Jewish Thought and the prototype of my new book One Man Show, designed by Boon Design and edited by Mark Weidenbaum.
Day 89
I see black and white everywhere. I smell freshly grilled köfte and onions. I hear drums and clarions. We drive through a sea of dark haired, dark bearded man. They’re excited, shoving sandwiches and simits into their mouth, waiting in line. People jump into the slow moving traffic to cross the street, young boys sell bottled water, men say hello to each other by shaking hands and performing...
Day 88
One of my friends recently went to New York. This is the pathetic list of unrelated items that I had asked her to bring me.
20 rolls of 35mm black and white film
2 rolls of artist tape
Chia seeds
Arnica pills
Herbal Essences anti frizz hair gel
As much as I’m fighting the idea of letting go, I still need some things to maintain a sense of continuity in my life.